What
do you expect
from such
simple
creatures?
Your
last
name stays
put. The
garage is all
yours. Wedding
plans take
care of
themselves.
Chocolate is
just another
snack. You can
never be
pregnant. You
can wear a
white T-shirt
to a water
park. You can
wear NO shirt
to a water
park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is
your urinal.
You never have
to drive to
another gas
station
restroom
because this
one is just
too icky. You
don't have to
stop and think
of which way
to turn a nut
on a bolt.
Wrinkles add
character.
Wedding
dress -
$5,000. Tux
rental - $100.
People never
stare at your
chest when
you're talking
to them. New
shoes don't
cut, blister,
or mangle your
feet. One mood
all the time.
Phone
conversations
are over in 30
seconds flat.
You know stuff
about tanks.
A
five-day
vacation
requires only
one suitcase.
You can open
all your own
jars. You get
extra credit
for the
slightest act
of
thoughtfulness.
If someone
forgets to
invite you, he
or she can
still be your
friend. Your
underwear is
$8.95 for a
three-pack.
Two pairs of
shoes are more
than enough.
You almost never have strap
problems in
public. You
are unable to
see wrinkles
in your
clothes
Everything on
your face
stays its
original
color. The
same hairstyle
lasts for
years, maybe
decades. You
only have to
shave your
face and neck.
You
can play with
toys all your
life. One
wallet and one
pair of shoes
- one color
for all
seasons You
can wear
shorts no
matter how
your legs
look. You can
'do' your
nails with a
pocket knife.
You
have freedom
of choice
concerning
growing a
mustache. You
can do
Christmas
shopping for
25 relatives
on December 24
in
25 minutes
.
No
wonder men are
happier!
- If
Laura, Kate
and Sarah go
out for lunch,
they will call
each other
Laura, Kate
and Sarah.
- If
Mike, Dave and
John go out,
they will
affectionately
refer to each
other as Fat
Boy, Bubba and
Wildman.
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave
and John will
each throw in
$20, even
though it's
only for
$32.50. None
of them will
have anything
smaller and
none will
actually admit
they want
change back.
When
the girls get
their bill,
out come the
pocket
calculators.
- A man
will pay $2
for a $1 item
he needs.
- A
woman will pay
$1 for a $2
item that she
doesn't need
but it's on
sale.
- A man
has six items
in his
bathroom:
toothbrush and
toothpaste,
shaving cream,
razor, a bar
of soap, and a
towel.
- The
average number
of items in
the typical
woman's
bathroom is
337. A man
would not be
able to
identify more
than 20 of
these items.
- A
woman has the
last word in
any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is
the beginning
of a new
argument.
- A
woman worries
about the
future until
she gets a
husband.
- A man
never worries
about the
future until
he gets a
wife.
- A
woman marries
a man
expecting he
will change,
but he
doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't
change, but
she does.
- A
woman will
dress up to go
shopping,
water the
plants, empty
the trash,
answer the
phone, read a
book, and get
the mail.
- A man
will dress up
for weddings
and funerals.
- Men
wake up as
good-looking
as they went
to bed.
- Women
somehow
deteriorate
during the
night.
- Ah, children. A woman knows all
about her
children. She
knows about
dentist
appointments
and romances,
best friends,
favorite
foods, secret
fears and
hopes and
dreams.
- A
man is vaguely
aware of some
short people
living in the
house.
A
married man
should forget
his mistakes.
There's no use
in two people
remembering
the same
thing!
So, send this
to the women
who have a
sense of humor
.... and to
the men who
will enjoy
reading it.
Good
friends are
like quilts,
they age with
you and yet,
they never
lose their
warmth.
Take good care
of them.